Family History (and Future)

Busy again. A busy mind and a busy life. I've been working on a family history album. Not a history that includes my abuser. A history of the more healthy, normal side of the family. I've enjoyed it but I'm glad I've put a book together and put it aside for awhile. It can be very consuming.

It was also somewhat sad as well. I have often felt disconnected from family. Mostly I believe because I was disconnected from myself. Now I am much more in touch with me and I guess not sure about connecting with this extended family. I have been watching from afar most of my life I think.

Let me tell you a bit about them. My birth father died when I was a baby. He had five sisters - three older and two younger. All of these women have been career women with college degrees, several with at least two degrees. They have been achievers. They have been strong women. They have been independent women who were also deeply connected to each other and their own families and friends. And spiritual women, though maybe not in the same way I think of spirituality. The oldest was very involved in my life during my childhood and young adult life when I lived in the same area as her. She was always encouraging me to go to college, to achieve. The next two sisters lived out of state so I did not see much of them. I do know that one was a PE teacher back when that was uncommon for women and cheerleading coach. The next younger sister became a social worker and is now a Licensed Mental Health Counselor. The youngest was an elementary teacher, then HS teacher and now teaches at a Community College.

They are fine examples for me. This is not the example set by my own mother. Like many of you, my sisters, your mother was weak and helpless and you suffered for it. It's difficult to be strong when this is your example in life. So, I am very thankful that I have others to look up to and follow after. I have done that successfully.

When I started doing the family history, I told myself it was because I wanted to update what my oldest aunt had done back in the 70's and 80's. While that is true, I feel like I have learned so much about the family. I have gotten in touch with an aunt I haven't seen since I was a child and talked to a cousin I haven't seen since then as well. I've spoken more often to the two younger aunts than I have in years. It has been a great experience. For part of the family history book, I asked the surviving sisters, the youngest 3, to write memories of the family that had passed on. The stories about my own father brought tears to my eyes. They still do. The youngest two remember their big brother very fondly and both stated the family was never the same after his death. I admit it did cause me to grieve a bit about what I never had, the father I never got to know.

Everyone I gave a copy of the book I created was pleased. Some overwhelmed with emotion. My aunts have connected with my husband and are planning a big girl's get together this summer. They wanted to fly me up there, but he said he would and they could plan a trip to the City. So that will be coming up in June. I look forward to it, but am anxious as well. How will I handle it? I'm hoping I will be able to open up and let them in. And let some healing occur. Let some bonds become more firm.
Time will tell. I've got to get my mind set. What wonderful experiences are waiting for me?