Haven't posted in awhile. Life has been hectic. Marriage has been very strained. Life has been stressful and I've been quite unhappy. I know sometimes life throws you curve balls. But I truly did not see this one coming. So today is Christmas. Usually a happy time, but here it is not.
Boundaries. Ah yes. Those things most children learn and learn to respect in themselves. But, those of us who have been abused do not typically have healthy boundaries. For many, it is a loss of boundaries and the inability to stand up for oneself when needed. I've been there before. I've gotten much better at that. And, I can stand up even to my family. That is new for me.
However, I also have set some pretty strong boundaries sexually. Given my history, this is very confusing. Are these boundaries okay? Can I set my own? What if my spouse disagrees? Questions, questions, questions.
It seems that sex and sexuality will always be a confusing arena for me. In some ways, I just want to shut it off. In other ways, I'm mad that this is still an issue and want to be successful (whatever that means).
So, right now I don't know how the marriage will work out. Seems that after 27 years you would have figured out what you could handle and what you could not. But, here we are. Stress is high, very high. Unhappiness is the theme of the day. Oh that the new year would bring happiness my way again.
