Is there a way to celebrate Mother's Day for mothers who don't know how to mother. For mother's who continually need attention. Attention that requires too much from you.
For the first time in my life, I yelled at my mother. Well, actually, my spouse would say I raised my voice. But that is a lot for me. Why did I do this? Because she was defending the man in her life over me and my son. Hmmmm.... sound familiar?
She cannot handle the fact that I do not want to interact at all with her boyfriend who has gone against my husband's and my wishes and has attempted to usurp our authority. I will be visiting up north, with the primary goal of visiting family that is closer to normal, and will possibly spend time with my immediate family. My mother is upset because I will not come to her house if her boyfriend is there or go anywhere with him. She is so upset that she is telling everyone one and gaining some sympathy. I can tell because I have actually gotten a letter from my mother's sister telling me to "have it in my CHRISTIAN heart to forgive".
Obviously, neither of them get the picture. Forgiveness is not the issue. Why would I subject myself and my son to someone who only cares about themselves. My mother and her boyfriend both fit that picture. Why would I continue to expose my child to this poison?
Why after all these years, is it not surprising to me that my mother would choose to defend the man in her life. She did not choose to side with me. She chose to believe that my son was a liar and I was obviously crazy for believing that her boyfriend was the problem. When I was a child, she cose to pretend there was not problem and did not protect me. Hmmm...
Well as Bill Engvall would say "Oh, Wake up!" Even though I did not know what it was to be protected by my mother I will protect my own son! That is a guarantee. Even though I did not stand up for myself when I was younger, I will stand up now and say "enough is enough". Screw you family. I will move on and find a way to live my life.
Mother's Day....No, I did not get a call from her on Mother's Day, even though I am a mother too. Well, I didn't talk to her for almost a month. And when I did, I had a lot to say. And she continued to defend her boyfriend. Is there a future for us? I don't think so. But it sure is hard to walk away from an old woman knowing that your acts will cause her much pain. Yes, it is long overdue. But it is still hard.
You only recently yelled at your mother for the first time? Heck I've been yelling at my mother for 35+ years! I'm glad you let it all out.
ReplyDeleteYou mother obviously cannot face and take responsibility for her own issues. So sad too because not only is she cheating you and her grandson out of a better relationship with her, she is cheating herself out of really knowing you and your family. A huge loss for her.
Women in our situation still hold out hope that things will change for the better in that our mother will eventually 'see the light', but there comes a time when we come to realize that it just may never happen. We may never have the motherly love that we have longed for. We can take comfort in knowing that we gave our children the things we were lacking in our relationship with our own mother. So, perhaps, even though we experienced devastating trauma without loving support from our mother, some good came of it. We are better as women because of it, better as mothers because of it.
Mary good for you for continuing to voice your needs. Sometimes we have to take life one second at a time.
Jane (Liz)